Beta Timeline
by chumpofshoosh
Summary: What I believed would never happen, happens. I'm suddenly in the asteroid used by the trolls in the veil, which is the base for the beta trolls and beta kids. Now they're talking about a beta timeline? Rated M for illicit content.


**A/N: It's been a while since I last written a SUCCESSFUL fanfiction that wasn't instantly sent to the archive of failures. I hope to those who happen to read this (if I put it up on the internet) get proper enjoyment from a half-assed offspring of the second longest piece of English literature existing. **

Chapter 1: Unnecessary Introducions

"Are we there yet?" I asked my father for the twelfth time now.

Visiting weekend. I love visiting my father but the drive takes so long! Living down in Virginia and driving up to Maine is such a hassle to wait through, especially if your dad loves to mess with you,

"Does it look like it?" He replied snarkly.

And is a smartass.

I rest my arm down on the armrest, because it wouldn't be called an armrest otherwise. Looking outside, like I often do when there's nothing to do on my phone, I noticed something out of the ordinary. A troll? We were moving too fast on the street to tell who or even if it was a troll, but it was standing on two legs and was not human in color. It could have very well been a cosplayer, but he looked pretty slouched over and from that miserable. I'll have to check back when we come ba-

Earth?

By now I'm flipping the fuck out because suddenly I see Earth from the middle of nowhere in space. I have no idea how or why I got here, frankly because I'm too busy losing my mind. Then, as fast as I arrived in space, I'm back to steady ground on the edge of a crater. In the crater is a meteor with a baby on it. Who the baby is is beyond me.

"HEY, SHIT-FOR-BRAINS, STEP BACK." The voice was loud and crabby.

Karkat?

A bullet flew by my head. I stepped back.

"I can see why." Karkat walked past me and looked down into the crater before another bullet had flown through his hair.

He crawled down into the crater and snatched the pistols out of the child's hands. Then he motioned for me to get down there with him. I slid down the slope and dusted my pants off at the bottom. Jegus, I'm fucking MASSIVE compared to him. I picked up the ectobaby and climbed out of the crater.

"Now let's see, are you a Jade or a Jake?" A lift of the diaper confirms it's a Jade. As you can imagine there isn't much of a telltale sign if it's one or the other unlike in the comic.

"FOLLOW ME IF YOU WANT TO LIVE ANY LONGER THAN IN THIS DUMP, HUMAN" Karkat snarled at me as if I were lower than him on the hemospectrum.

"Maddison" I corrected.

"WHATEVER."

"That was my plan anyways. I'm currently dying on the inside because you're here." I giggled, and so did Jade.

He grunted and trudged along into the forest behind the houses. I made sure Jade was comfortable before following him into the forest.

"So, why do we have Jade?" I lifted her upper lip. Two buck teeth, as expected.

"ASK SOLLUX, HE WANTED THE FUCKING SLIME WRIGGLERS." He really didn't like talking to me.

"Isn't it usually you who tells everyone what to do?" Jade yawned in my arms and rested her head on my shoulder. I held in a squeak of laughter.

Again he pushes the question aside and continues along. Jade's fallen asleep by now so I try my best to keep her that way and carefully dodge any shrubbery along the way.

"Woah, that doesn't belong here." Ahead is a large base that heavily contrasted with the scenery, as if it weren't part of this universe's existence. Upon entering through the door, a whole lot of shit changed. Jade actually looked like Jade, Karkat actually looked like Karkat, and I had pure white skin. I put Jade down on the table. If she was comfortable on a meteor she'll be comfortable on a table.

"KK, what diid ii tell you about briingiing humanth here? Ugh, nevermiind, he doethn't look dangerouth." 'Thollukth' scolded. Karkat ignored him.

I looked around at all of the trolls, the grin on my face expanding from each one of them. Then it grew ever wider as I figured I knew all of their secrets. All of them.

"SO WHO'S TH3 N3W GUY?" Terezi started. Taking a whiff, She smiled at me. Probably my red jacket.

"Name's Maddison." I answered, the grin still planted on my face. I decided to take off my jacket and toss it to Terezi, which she gladly accepted. It was getting hot anyways.

"T3R3Z1!" She replied, putting on my jacket.

"Aradia..." She eyed my shirt suspiciously. Shit, was I wearing my Aries shirt? Looking down confirms my fears.

"Is something wrong?" I asked, falsely concerned.

"Well, your shirt. Where did you get it?" She asked, pointing at my shirt.

"Long story, but it included a battle with my woman-lusus and a trip to the internet. Moving on!" I tried to move away from that path, and back to everyone reciting their names to me as if I didn't already know them.

"Marquise Spinner8 Mindfang!" Vriska boasted. One of my least favorite of the twelve, but not the worst.

"I'll call you Vriska instead." I laughed a bit as she huffed like a little girl not getting what she wanted.

"Kanaya Maryam" I can already tell we're going to have fights about fashion. It'll be mostly for fun because I don't give a shit what she says, my main and only set of clothes will be what I'm wearing right now. Unless she gets me something awesome.

"I'm Feferi Peixes!" She glubbed enthusiastically. My heart skipped a beat, and I hugged her out of instinct and I felt all bubbly inside. She's my favorite if you couldn't already tell.

"Sollux Captor." He had his back to the rest of the group, typing away at whatever he was doing. Probably ~ATH.

"Nepeta Leijon!" She was on her back playing with a ball of yarn while Equius watched like the creep he is. I guess I was staring a bit too, but that was because she was so cute!

"Equius Zahhak." He was getting self aware of his appearance, which was staring at Nepeta, and began sweating profusely. I'm staying away from him.

"Eridan Ampora, future ruler of all land and seadwwellers!.." That's one way to make a first impression. I tuned him out and waited for the next unnecessary introduction.

"GaMzEe, AnD tHiS hErE iS tAvBrO!" He patted Tavros on the shoulder. Tavros kinda shied away behind Gamzee, not that I minded.

"So, who's taking care of Jade?" I asked, looking specifically at Kanaya and smirking. She sighed.

"It Looks Like I Will Be The Only Troll Here Willing To Comply, But Not Without Help. Maddison?" She gave the same glance back to me. A tick in her favor on the Boastful Babysitters' Vengeance Gauge I just pulled out of my ass.

"Right away, Miss Maryam." I followed her into a separate room through a transportalizer. I laid Jade down on the bed next to her brother John in a makeshift crib. It looks like they've already found the other three before I came along. John cuddled up next to Jade, which was cute.

"You know how to care for them? Because I sure as hell don't." I sat down in a nearby chair and crossed my arms and legs. Looks like they only have Alternian food. Or just Alternian brand food. I open the nearest package, and there seem to be potato chips inside.

"I'm Not Too Sure Myself, Except What To Feed Them, But Jade And Rose Should Be Able." Kanaya got out four bottles and prepped them with formula, then heated them in a microwave. While those were heating up, she began gathering ingredients for the meal they we're having tonight.

"Jade and Rose? Who are they?" I asked despite prior knowledge of their existence. Although, I didn't know they were in the base.

"Humans, Like You. Don't Be Surprised If They Do Anything Out Of The Ordinary, They Just Have Special Abilities." She continued with her cooking. From the ingredients I could gather she was making a fairly simple dish; Lasagna.

At that moment Jade had transportalized into the room. Upon seeing me, her tail wagged and she sniffed me. I decided to scratch behind her ear, which seemed just the natural thing to do. She started panting and sat on all fours. I continued to scratch her behind the ear and started eating the potato chips I opened earlier. Mmm, cheddar.

"I See You've Met Jade." Kanaya commented, laughing silently to herself. Jade licked the palm of my hand and rolled over like a puppy looking for a belly rub. This is gonna be awkward, but still pretty cute.

"Hey, uh..." "-Maddison" "Yeah, Maddison. I prefer to get belly rubs with my shirt off... you wouldn't mind would you?" She asked with sad puppy eyes.

"I... uh, I mean, if you insist..." I shakily replied. This would be more awkward than I thought. Upon that she hastily removed her shirt, and to much of my demise she also insisted she remove her bra as well... to which I said no. I don't want or need to go down that road. She was heavily upset but complied in the end.

"Maddison, You Don't Happen To Have Any Food Allergies Do You?" Kanaya asked. I answered with a shake of my head. Upon that she shredded on the cheese, and Jade jumped into my arms. The chair I was in gave up and the both of us collapsed to the metal floor. I hit my head on the counter before landing and blacked out.

"Ow..." I woke up later on a couch with an ice pack on my head and a Jade on my feet.

"Oh good, you're awake! Lasagna is ready, so you know." Jade outstretched her body and laid down half on my chest, half on my stomach, and snored. Apparently while I was out she took off her bra... great. She needed to lose some weight too, to be honest, she's crushing me!

"Jade, can you please get off me? And put on your bra too, it's kind of embarrassing for me." I asked nicely as possible. She did roll off of me but just fell back to sleep on her back beside me. This image would never go down well with John, or more so Dave. I got up and searched around for her bra, or at least something to cover her up.

"Jade, is Maddison up ye-" Dave. Fuck, I can't tell how bad this situation looks to him but it must be godawful if it caused him to stop mid-sentence. I just stood there like a deer in headlights.

"She insist she go topless for a belly rub?" Dave asked knowingly. I release my breath as I nod, relieved.

"I even told her no at first, but when I got knocked out she must have just taken it off in my sleep, which is a bit weird." I finally got something to cover her up with and laid it over her. There, much less awkward.

"That happened with almost everyone here on this asteroid. They say no, she insists yes." Dave started rubbing Jade's belly and she started kicking her right leg sporadically.

I remember when Dave was my least favorite character, until he started talking with Terezi and began losing his cool. His uncool personality is actually my favorite part about him. And he'll never know I have massive blackmail against him if I so choose.

"I guess I'll cya later." Strider left the room with a backflip into the transportalizer, which failed miserably. He was gone as soon as he landed so I wish him luck. It looks like Jade was beginning to wake up again.

"Maddison? Yaawwwn... did Dave come by here?" She asked groggy, sitting up under her blanket.

"He just failed to backflip out of here." I pointed to the transportalizer. She nodded and rolled back to sleep. I guess while she's under a blanket it won't be too awkward to rub her belly. I never got back to that with all of the shenanigans. I sat back on the couch and shifted around so her head rested on my lap, then began her belated belly rub.

End of Chapter 1: Unnecessary Introductions


End file.
